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Have You Been Disappointed By People?

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Have you been disappointed by people?

We have been disappointed by the promises that people make but do not deliver; we have been frustrated by their behaviour because we didn't expect them to be this way! Or we have been disappointed by a group/ organisation/company/service provider and so on.

When we are disappointed, we think it is the fault of the other party. We blame them, and we b***h about them, we want them to take responsibility and make good, to live up to our expectations again. Do you see where the problem is?

Our expectations about people and organisations are in our hearts and minds. We placed these expectations on them. Granted that many boast about these expectations but do not live up to them, then how do we deal with these?

how to get over disappointment

Firstly, we have to understand and apply the following fundamental principle of life that will save you a lot of heartache, headache, time and energy. WE CANNOT CONTROL THINGS OUTSIDE OF US. BUT WE CAN CONTROL HOW WE RESPOND TO EACH AND EVERY SITUATION.

This is a simple principle, but it does take practice to make it become a reality. Our automatic response is that we want people to change how they behave. What they say, and how they feel to align with how we think they should be. But this is beyond our control, and it should not be within our power, if we believe in honouring others and their journey of life (yes including your spouse/partner/children/family members).

Instead, we turn inwards and ask ourselves how can we respond in the situation, whether outwardly or inwardly. Sometimes, this means not acknowledging, and sometimes it means changing our perspective to deal with the case, and sometimes it could mean speaking up in a manner that empowers self.

The expectations we place on other people/situations/organisations are unfair if we do not have a comprehensive enough overview of precisely what goes on within these people. We form our perspective of what is and expect others to follow what we have in mind. This sounds a little crazy. But this is how we are like! We do these stupid things to ourselves and drive ourselves mad with it.

So what needs to be adjusted here is our perspectives and not to be fixated on what is, because we live in a world where nothing is stagnant. People, things, organisations, situations do change, and this is the constant. We have heard this saying about change being the constant, all the time, yet we place undue expectations and expect things to remain the same, JUST FOR US! How crazy is that?

Now, of course, there are people or organisations with their very public declarations about who they are, and what they can deliver, but they keep failing on every count. The public persona and what they can do are not in sync. So do we then become angry because they have disappointed us?

There are a few things we can do in these sort of situations:

If it is a service provider not living up to their promises, or they do not deliver what they say they would, and you are paying for it, then, of course, you have the right to let them know and make sure they make right. Or get your money back. And personally, for me, I will find another service provider. Yes, it is troublesome, but think about it, it is not worth losing sleep or energy over it. Your well being and peace of mind is more important than them.

If it is a friend or business associate, who do not deliver what they promise. Some compassion is needed to understand the situation before we jump to conclusions. You can decide where you want to draw that line on where your tolerance level ends. I usually believe in giving people chances. And in these sort of connections/relationships, I like to see the situation in which they ended up not delivering especially when it affects me significantly. I usually do not have a hard and fast rule about this, because it is highly dependent on the relationship I have with the individual.

I have cut people out of my life when I know I have given countless opportunities and assistance to them only to be backstabbed. If you have a high tolerance level like me, you must establish where you will draw the line. This is important because having a boundary prevents others from taking advantage of you, plus once they are no longer part of your life, you do not have to use up unnecessary energy and time on people who do not matter.

I am sure, there have been times when you also need to cut family members out of your life. This is one of the toughest things to do. But when relationships become toxic and abusive, there is no value in continuing the connection unless some form of resolution can be found. And this takes a lot of effort and work, where both parties must seek professional help in therapy.

I know many people shun this and think going for therapy is being too dramatic. But the undercurrents in relationships when not resolved will and can re-surface and in due time can develop into an even MORE toxic connection.

In essence, our disappointment in people can be overcome by us taking responsibility for our perspective on them, and situations and make the adjustments accordingly.

We have the power to attain and maintain peace of mind for ourselves. Remember, other people cannot control what you think or feel.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9981295

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